The Bitches of Enchantment: A dark princess fairy tale (The Everafter Trilogy Book 2) Read online

  DEDICATION

  For the Badasses. Thanks for bellying up to the bar.

  ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

  Huge thanks to my fabulous beta readers: George Annino, Selena Jones (a.k.a. Miss Disney). Also to Bridget McKenna, for her very skilled, yet gentle editorial hand.

  Editing By: http://www.bridgetmckenna.com/

  Cover Design By: Dane House, LLC

  *Warning*

  Contains language not suitable for most princesses. May also incite uncontrollable laughter. Read in public at your own risk.

  One

  Grimm

  When last we left our fierce princesses--rulers of the United Kingdoms of Enchantment, they had found themselves in grave peril, facing an unseen enemy, an unknown nemesis. Dare I say, a villain. Not one of mine, of course. No, whoever was behind the spell that stole the memories of my princesses was far darker than any my imagination had ever conceived. This villain--villains?--was more cruel than a stepmother, more heartless than a greedy queen, more diabolically patient than a wicked witch. Whoever had cast the spell had a sinister power the likes of which I had never seen in my homeland.

  But if you live long enough, as I have, you hear whispers on the wind of such darkness. Of soulless creatures who will stop at nothing to destroy anything--or anyone--who blocks their crooked path. Many have written of them. They exist in the shadows until some thread of their own story unravels, and they seek out a new narrative to inhabit and pollute.

  Had I known who was behind the undoing of my heroines, I would have given them the tools to fight the evil. I would have written them their happy endings. Alas, I know not what will become of them now in their strange new world. I know only that together they are more powerful than they ever realized. And that the one destined to save them all need only remain steadfast and strong to rise to victory. Then maybe--just maybe--this won’t be the end of their tale.

  But the powerful clap of hoof beats, the drumming of soldiers approaching, and the smell of treachery in the air surrounding my tiny cottage as I write this, tells me that it could be the end of mine.

  ~Jacob Grimm

  The Scribe

  Two

  Jack

  This was Jack Bean’s first kidnapping and he wasn’t quite sure of the protocol. “Excuse me, Bella? Would you mind cracking a window, please? It’s a bit stuffy back here.”

  Jack was lying prone on the back seat of a long car, his hands and feet bound. He wasn’t sure why the two crazy women who had abducted him from his home in the middle of the night hadn’t taped his mouth shut too, but he was grateful for that. He was still wearing his pajamas and slippers, and he felt that if he had been stripped of one last dignity, it would have broken him. As it was, he would have to quit his job as psychologist of the damned (a title he had only thought of as he was being hog-tied by a skinny brunette with sharp boots, screaming, “You had to make it difficult, didn’t you!”) and move to another country. Maybe an island. Where the only women were kindly nurturers who wore shapeless dresses, carried a baby on each hip and always had soup on the stove.

  In the front seat, Aura sighed. “Look, Doc, we tried to reason with you. We tried to explain things, but this is one of those, ‘you have to see it to believe it’ kind of scenarios.”

  A cool breeze blew through the car and Jack smelled the kind of artificial vanilla scent that came from those cardboard trees people hung on their rearview mirrors.

  Jack said, “No matter what the problem, kidnapping is never the answer, Aura. You’ve been doing so well in your group sessions. You’ve made so much progress. How could you throw it all away? You realize, of course, that I’ll have to report this. Both of you are going to be right back in front of the judge tomorrow.”

  Jack wondered how he could have failed so miserably. Where had he gone wrong? He knew the group from Granny’s Home for Girls were challenging. Hell, they were criminals, not members of polite society. But this? This he never saw coming. And to top it all off he really had to relieve himself. He’d been about to do just that when Aura had broken into his house. He didn’t know how she had picked the lock, slid the chain off the door, cracked the security code, and hacked the two deadbolts, but she’d done it with stealth and efficiency. He hadn’t even heard her and Bella slip through the door.

  “Fuck the judge,” Bella said like she was giving a combat order.

  Aura said, “You think she has something to do with it?”

  Bella said, “I’d bet my Beast on it.”

  Jack had no idea what they were talking about. All he knew was that after they had barged into his home, they rambled on about some kind of curse and that they needed Jack’s help, something about magic, and would he just come with them and they’d explain it on the way.

  It was nonsense. Gibberish. He had asked them if they had gotten into their housemate Cindy’s tequila stash. (Cindy was still a work in progress, but Jack felt he was making headway with her.) Apparently, that had been the wrong thing to say because two seconds later, Bella swept his legs out from under him and was flipping him over while Aura handed her a rope.

  Women. Sometimes they were nothing but trouble.

  Except one. The one Jack couldn’t get out of his mind from the moment he’d laid eyes on her. Skin like rich cream, hair the shade of a starry night, lips the color of red velvet.

  Snow White. His heart beat faster just thinking about her.

  And now, thanks to these two bitches, he would probably never see her again.

  Jack kicked the back of the driver’s seat. Aura grunted, and he wasn’t ashamed that the sound of her pain brought him a hint of satisfaction.

  “Do that again and you’ll be able to hit those high notes at choir practice,” Aura growled.

  “Be nice,” Bella said. “Think of Snow.”

  At the sound of that sweet angel’s name, Jack perked up. Then he got angry.

  “All right, ladies that’s it. I demand you tell me what is going on right this instant.” Jack thought his voice sounded authoritative.

  “You’re not in a position to demand anything, Doc. In fact, you’re kind of in a position to be roasted over an open pit, so don’t push it,” Aura said.

  Jack heard a thump and Aura yelped. “Goddammit, Bella, that hurt. Jeez, doesn’t anyone know it’s a bad idea to kick and punch the person driving the car? I’m going eighty miles an hour, for fuck’s sake.”

  Bella ignored Aura, tipped her head over the seat back and said, “Jack, just hold tight. We’re almost there. Then we’ll explain everything.”

  Almost where? Jack thought. Then he kicked Aura’s seat again, knowing it was childish and not caring.

  Three

  Robin

  Robin Hood gently laid the unconscious ruler of Enchantment down on a bed unfit for a queen as Beast, the enormous striped dog with the pointy ears and threatening canines, settled in near the doorway, watching him. The makeshift bed was composed of flattened pillows Robin had liberated from the worn, elaborately carved antique furniture in Granny’s living room. He had found an intricately stitched quilt in one of the old woman’s closets and laid that across Snow White’s lifeless body. He moved with ease and care, respect and honor. A soldier laying a flag across a fallen man. Or woman, as it were.

  The giant beanstalk that crowded the space was a harsh reminder of Robin’s shortcomings. Magic was not his forte and he didn’t know how to remedy this situation. He felt helpless, and it tore at him like barbed wire across virgin flesh. He stared at the
imposing plant, its oven mitt-sized leaves waving at him. Mocking him. He thought, as he turned back to Snow, that he heard it snicker.

  The princess’s chest rose every so often, but her eyelids didn’t so much as flutter. Robin fluffed a pillow beneath her head. Laid her arms across her chest. Removed her shoes. She looked peaceful, as if asleep--a lie that brought no comfort.

  A gray grief washed through Robin. The kind that whispered in your ear the promise of hope, but filled your heart with black smoke. She was dying, he knew. And nothing in his world would ever be the same.

  It was Snow who had pardoned Robin for his crimes back in Enchantment. It was Snow who saw that while he broke the law, he was, in his own way, doling out justice. How had she said it in court that day? “You have taken care of my people better than I have, Robin Hood. For that you will not be punished. You will be rewarded.” And with those words and the wave of a scepter, he was a free man.

  The pale princess didn’t see things in black and white like some leaders. She saw them in silver and gold.

  He became her soldier, her confidant, her ally. Commander of all the sovereign’s men. And now he had failed in his mission to guard her and her castle.

  Robin stared down at the fallen queen and wished for so many things.

  He wished that his true love, Marion, could be by his side. He wished he had never been married to that wretched woman Red Riding, and he wished, with everything he held holy and dear, that his men were near, ready for battle.

  Because Robin knew, in that moment, he was preparing for war.

  The former probation officer sighed and straightened. He removed his cowboy hat and studied Snow for several heartbeats. Worry tightened his jawline, and anger festered in his belly like a hissing snake.

  There was a hot flash of shame as he recalled how he had once valiantly declared to protect her unconditionally. She and all the other princesses of the sacred land he called home. Robin’s lips moved softly, as he repeated that vow now, hand crossed over his heart. “I, Robin Hood, appointed leader of the noble Knights of the Five Crowns, do solemnly swear with the blood of my veins to guard the princesses of the sacred land of Enchantment with my bow, with my courage, and with my very lifeforce. So be it now, so be it always.”

  Robin felt a mist in his eyes as he looked down at Snow. He quickly blinked it away and placed a rough, large hand across the heart of his queen.

  Then he made a new vow.

  One that promised to destroy whomever had wrought this havoc on his kingdom.

  One that slowly seeped through his heart and rushed into his veins, turning his blood into a cold, angry river.

  One that would, in time, show a side of Robin Hood no one had ever seen before.

  The thief-turned-lawman-turned-cowboy leaned down and whispered in Snow White’s ear, “Fear not, princess, for I promise you this. There will be hell to pay.”

  With that, Robin straightened up, placed his hat back on his head, and went to check on his prisoner.

  Four

  Red

  Judge Red Redhood’s private phone would not stop ringing, her wolf, Fang, would not stop barking, and the spell she had cast to silence her betraying, annoying grandmother was beginning to wear off. “Aint’ you gonna answer that blasted phone?” Granny said. “It’s making my ears dance like melon balls on safari.”

  Red pinched the bridge of her nose, thanking the powers that be that she had never picked up Granny’s ridiculous speech pattern, despite being raised by the old woman.

  “Shut up!” she yelled.

  Granny huffed.

  Fang barked.

  “And what has gotten into you, Fang?”

  He was pawing at the window, his muscles rippling through his long, rough coat.

  Red stepped over to the window, wondering if Tink had finally made her way home. Her tiny assistant never stayed out this late. It was well past midnight, for crying out loud, and the judge needed a martini. You just couldn’t enslave good help these days.

  She brushed the curtain aside and strained to see into the darkness. Two glowing amber eyes blinked back at her, and she screeched.

  The eyes seemed to be floating in the air.

  “What the--?” She turned on the floodlight, which illuminated a large cat that appeared to be grinning at her. The cat sat in her yard and smacked its tail against the ground.

  Judge Redhood hated cats. In fact, she hated most things with four legs except wolves, and that was only because she admired their ability to tear other four legged creatures limb from limb. She also liked the expression ‘lone wolf’. She could relate to it. Because people sucked. Especially family.

  The judge sighed. “Fine, Fang. I’ll let you out and you can have yourself a snack.”

  Fang sauntered over to the door, his lips dripping with saliva and anticipation.

  “Let me out too, dammit. I need me some salty air,” Granny said.

  The judge turned to her grandmother. “We don’t live anywhere near an ocean. If we did, I would have thrown you in it by now.”

  “What does an ocean have to do with the price of a pork sandwich?”

  The judge groaned. “You aren’t going anywhere.”

  She tucked a strand of crimson hair behind her ear and left the room. Fang trailed in her wake, and she had to sidestep him to lock the door behind her. Granny’s protests faded as the judge marched down the hallway.

  Judge Redhood’s phone rang for the sixteenth time that evening and she knew she could no longer put off the call. She reached into her pocket as a lie formed on her lips.

  “It’s done,” she said.

  “What’s done?” Robin Hood asked.

  The judge nearly choked on her own tongue. Why was her ex-husband calling her? And at this hour? It made absolutely no sense.

  A tingle of excitement rushed through to her core, despite herself. Dammit, but she still wanted that man. He was her only weakness. That and shapeshifter romance novels.

  “Um, nothing. I thought you were the um...can you hang on a minute?” She sounded squeaky. Like a chew toy. Or an idiot.

  “Sure.”

  The judge smacked herself in the head with the phone. There. That’s better, she thought.

  As she descended the stairs, Red composed herself and found her grown-up voice. “Robin Hood, I didn’t expect to hear from you and at such a late hour. Won’t Marion be upset?”

  “Marion is visiting her sister.” Robin’s husky tone was deliciously sultry this evening. Perhaps spending time working together, she as the judge and mayor of Everafter, he as the chief lawman, had stirred up some of those old feelings.

  Wouldn’t that just be the perfect happy ending? Snow White dead, Robin Hood falling back in love with her? She caught herself smiling. Then she frowned, remembering that Tink’s shadow had not yet returned from its mission of enchanting Hansel, the handyman.

  “Well then, to what do I owe the pleasure?” she asked, sneaking a sensuous tone into her voice.

  The judge had reached the front door and opened it for Fang. She didn’t see the cat any longer, but the wolf dashed off into the night anyway. She was about to shut and bolt the door when she spotted something poking out of an evergreen planter.

  “Actually, I have something that belongs to you.”

  You certainly do, Robin, you certainly do.

  “Interesting. And it couldn’t wait until sunrise?” she purred. After all this time, to think he was finally coming back to her. And married to boot! Well that made it all the more exhilarating.

  “I’m afraid not.”

  Judge Redhood bent down to examine the object. A pink ribbon. She hated pink. She’d have to fire Giant Jerry for this and maybe club his kneecap for good measure.

  “Well, what is it?” She tugged on the ribbon. It was attached to something.

  “It’s about three feet nothing and drunk as a miner.”

  The judge was about to swear, but caught herself. That damn Tink! What had gotten
into that girl? A nervous twitch pulled at her eye. What if the fairy’s shadow found her, bespelled, with murder on its conscience? What would happen?

  “Erik called from the police station. He has her in holding. Apparently she was at some school and the teacher thought she was a student. They put her in detention, and when they couldn’t find her parents they called the police. I can bring her by if you want. It would be no trouble.”

  “No. Leave her there. I’ll deal with her in the morning.”

  The judge pulled on the ribbon. At the other end of it, her fingers grazed a bottle. She retrieved it as Robin said something in her ear she didn’t catch. Written on its label in swirly script were the words “drink me.”

  She snapped her head up and scanned the yard. Who on earth would dare do such a stupid thing? Trespassing. Leaving foreign objects on her porch. Pink ribbons! She’d have their head, whoever it was.

  Robin was talking, but all the judge heard was the melodious howl of Fang.

  She looked up. The moon was full.

  “Judge, are you there?”

  A spidery sensation danced down the judge’s spine.

  “I said leave her!”

  She hung up.

  Behind her, she heard a rustle in the shrubs. When she turned, the eyes had returned, staring at her above an impossibly wide, taunting grin.

  Five

  Jack

  The car rolled to a stop, and Jack Bean wondered what his kidnappers had in store for him. Would they torture him? Use him as a chess piece in some twisted game of cat and mouse? Make him sing karaoke? He had no idea. All he knew was that as soon as he had the chance, he was going to make a break for it, and then it would be goodbye, bitches. Also, he still had to pee.

  The car’s engine cut out and two car doors creaked open. He realized then that this wasn’t the car Aura normally drove.

  She opened the rear door and leaned in to look at him, green eyes swirling with an emotion Jack couldn’t place. Fear, perhaps? Worry?